


jealousy is just a lack of self-confidence

by social_awkwardn



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Confused Phil Lester, Jealous Dan Howell, Light Angst, M/M, Phan Angst, dan and phil gaming channel, dans jelly bc phil likes a surfer dude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 03:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15525090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/social_awkwardn/pseuds/social_awkwardn
Summary: phil talks about a coincidence and dan gets jealous. based on the STOP SEARCHING FOR THIS- dan and phil play : higher or lower video on their gaming channel.





	jealousy is just a lack of self-confidence

dan was editing the new video for the gaming channel in their office, not looking forward to having to edit a certain bit.

hed been zoned out as the video continued in the editing program. 

"theres a guy i know, named sam. i dont know him well; hes a surfer," phils voice rang out from the computer speakers. dan had been highly jealous, not that hed actually admit it, at the time, rolling his eyes at the highly optimistic voice of phil as he continued to tell his story on coincidences. " i have met him three," dan held up three fingers with tightest and fakest smile on his lips, eyes void of emotion, "times at three different airports." dan had shaken his head in disbelief, a scoff coming from his lips. "like, just ramdomly. one in orlando, one in london, and one somewhere in, like, spain." phil had counted off the places on his hands, probably to add visual or some shit.

editing dan looked up at the computer. his jaw was clenched and he watched and listened as he tried to rationalize phils random meeting with a surfer guy. 

"and its just something funny and cool that something so random happened, " video dan was being rational, and smiling a very fake smile. he looked jealous then and he was still jealous editing the video. 

"phil?" editing dan shouted, trying to get his best friend and flatmate to come to the office/gaming room. 

"what do you need dan? im relaxing in the bath rn." phil had texted that to him in response to dans yelling. 

"would it be okay if i edited out the bit about surfer dude or is it significant enough to be left in?" he was leaning the chair on one wheel, the cause of the many incidents of falling out of the chair. he didnt fall this time, though he was biting his lip, a furrow in his brow as he watched the three dots bounce, making him anxious. 

"keep it! why would we edit it out?" 

"no, youre right. there is no reason. sorry for interrupting your relaxation." with that, he glared back at the computer and hesitantly went back to editing.

"like the idea that you and this guy both end up at this airport several times," video dan had started rambling about the topic, getting closer to phil in more of what looked like a protective nature. he was karate chopping the air with every point he made. phil had slightly talked over dan with a 'yeah!' and dan continued. "over several years is a... a very small number and thats whats thrilling about physics."

editing dan sighed. hed been pining for best friend for years, actually scratch that, since theyd met. hed recently shown more of himself to his audience (not in that way, pervs), opening up about his struggle with mental illness, and majorly hinting at thw fact he was bisexual. 

it didnt help that phil was talking about want to wear his hair in a quiff more often, complaining about the too many fringe checks and making sure it didnt look bad. the emo fringe was high maintenence. it made dans knees weak at the thought of a quiffed phil. 

"dan?" phils deep voice brought dan out of his thoughts. he was standing at the door way when dan turned the chair to look at the being at the door, after pausing his editing work. phil was wearing those damned emoji pyjama trousers with his nyan cat tee, he looked adorably innocent. 

"yes?" it was through clenched teeth that dan responded. he was avoiding making eye contact with phil, not wanting phil to see the jealousy in his eyes just from the mention of this surfer dude.

"are you alright? you seem angry." phils voice was calm, soft, and concerned. dan was happy he got to see the side of phil that viewers of amazingphil would probably never see unless phil decided to expose himself and the not so innocent comments he can make. dan doubted phil would do that to himself, though. 

"yeah, im fine, phil." he was short and direct, not letting his words linger very long in the air. the screen behind dan, had dans seemingly pissed off and jealous face next to phils kind, bright, smiling, optimistic face. in front of the screen, dan sat in the office chair with a similar expression as video dan wore. 

"no, youre not. whats wrong, bear?" he walked closer to dan, who at the innocent family nickname, cringed. the nickname, from phil, played with dans heavily pining mind. "dan?" phil asked for dans attention once more when dan hadnt responded to his first question, knowing dan was busy sorting out his thoughts.

and sorting through his thoughts, he was. dans mind was playing the bit of the video that phil talked about another man over and over and over again. he started getting even more jealous and angry about phil and whats-his-face. "why dont you go be fucking concerned about sebastian or whatever the fuck his name was? you obviously would prefer him over me anyway." dan snarled harshly, turning his chair before he could see the hurt in the blue eyes he liked so much. 

phil looked down at his mismatched socks. "dan, i alre-" he was interrupted before he could finish.

"you already fucking told me that he wouldnt replace me if something more would arise from the three fucking random times you met mr. surfer. yeah, i know." hed snapped which caused phil to look up at the curly back of dans head. it was obvious he was mad, but phil didnt know what about the situation had made dan angry.

the silence that had followed was deafening, only interrupted by the sharp clicks and typing that dan made while editing, along with the now quieter talking of the video. 

phil wanted to turn the chair and put his lips against dans more chapped ones, to show what dan meant to him. he wanted to do that so many times when hed caught what the fans called, "heart-eyes howell". but he didnt. he wanted to know what dan tasted like, wanted to know what kinds of sounds he could pull from dan if he kissed him in just the right way. he instead tapped the back of the chair, an action they both did to tell the other that they were there to talk. he sat on the couch and started tapping away on his phone. 

after about ten minutes of an awkward silence filled to the brim of tapping, clicking, and typing, phil sighed. "dan? will you please talk to me?" 

"no, im editing." it was short, as it was obvious. he didnt want to talk, he wanted to finish editing so he could be as far from the situation as he could get. so dan continued editing, carefully making sure information they accidentally let slip, was cut out of the video. he edited, getting zoned out in the process. 

"daniel, please? i want to talk about this." phil pleaded, his own anxieties getting to him. he didnt like when dan was mad at him, because it meant hed done something wrong, that hed done something to upset the younger man. "daaaaaaaaaaan, talk to meee," he whined, flopping back into the couch. 

"no, im busy" he muttered coldly, concentrating. his tone said that he needed to talk, or he was going to hole himself up and never end up telling phil why he was so damn angry all of a sudden. 

"when youre ready to talk, ill be in the lounge. please come talk to me before you get stuck in that brain of yours." phil stood up again, tapping the chair once again as he passed to leave the office. on his way to the lounge, phil got lost in thought about the thing dan had said about him being more concerned about the surfer man. 

it was obvious dan was jealous, but of what? in the video, phil had said that he and sam were probably destined to save the universe. was dan jealous because he thought phil was going to replace him with sam? 

phil was probably stuck in his mind for an hour or two longer. in that time, dan had finished editing and made his way to the lounge. 

"phil? you wanted to talk." dan sounded tired and far off and still a bit angry. like hed already gotten stuck in his mind. 

phil had jumped when dan spoke up, it had brought him back to reality. "oh...yeah, um do you want to sit down?" he looked at dan with so much concern in his eyes. he was still so worried that hed done something to anger dan or mess up the friendship that was almost a decade strong. phil was okay with their relationship being strictly platonic, even if his feelings were so much beyond friendship. he didnt want to tell dan in fear of another 2012 incident, where dan had distanced himself so far from phil. phil knew dan had gotten better, had seen the progress with his own eyes, but it didnt stop him from fearing it.

dan sat next to phil, further than he usually would choose to sit, with their shoulders touching and close enough to smell each others deodorant. 

"are you mad at me? did i do something that angered you? i dont know, youve just beed so angry since starting to edit that video." phil stammered, trying to make at least a little sense of the situation at hand. 

"yes, i am angry. ive been angry for longer than just then, phil." his voice made phil flinch, it was so cold and harsh; a way hed never talked to phil before, not even in their biggest fights.

"what did i do? how can i fix this?" phil just wanted to have his happy, smiley, (cute), dimple-y dan back. he didnt know what hed done wrong. well... he had a small clue, but he didnt want to have too much hope. 

"you fucking started talking about that damned surfer dude, sponge or what ever his name is, again. thats what you did. okay, and you already know that i get jealous incredibly fucking easy. i dont know why i fucking like you so much even though you clearly only like me as a friend." dan was rambling and he wasn't finished. "ive liked you for so long, that it hurt so much when you got a girlfriend or boyfriend or heard you with one nightstands, although none of those even happen that much. and hearing you talk so fondly of someone you met three fucking times and it just being random time and random places, it hurt. it made me angry to hear you talk about another man in the way i want you to talk about me." he was taking deep breaths, finally done. he wasnt making eye contact with the older man, missing the "love-eyes lester" that was flung his way. 

"dan, ive liked you too, you know. much more than friends. like, ive thought of things that would truly break the internets image of me being a pure bean. ive wanted to cuddle with you and hold you after your depression episodes because i knew you needed that. i was scared that if you knew, youd be disgusted because of the incident in 2012. i thought that if i told you youd become distant again. i freaking love you, daniel howell." the last sentence was quiet as phil finished pouring his heart out. a comfortable silence enveloped around the two of them, the men whod finally said what theyd felt. 

dan broke the silence by cuddling next to phils now frozen body. "really?"

phil nodded stiffly. hed become silent. he had been blushing since hed said he loved dan. "was that too much, too soon?" it was worriedly whispered.

"no, cause phil? i love you too." he was smiling widely, his dimple caving in. dan tucked himself even more into phils side. phil had relaxed and was smiling widely too. he cuddled to dan. it was peaceful, the silence. the cuddling was something they hadnt even done as friends, but it was nice. 

"hey, dan?"

"yes, phil?"

"wanna know something that i never asked sam to be?"

"what is that, phil?"

"my boyfriend. wanna know what i want you to be?"

"i dont think id even have to guess, phil."

"my boyfriend." 

"yes, phil. ill be your boyfriend. first date is on you though."


End file.
